Hate is a strong word
by Slicklizard41
Summary: My first ever fan fic. This takes place just after "Wishful Beginings" from Eyal's point of view.


He hated himself.

There had been chatter for a while. First there was the death of the CIA operative on American soil. There were so many rumors surrounding that bombing it was hard to tell what was real and what was just chatter. Intel suggested that she had been there and for a while had been scrutinized as being involved in the bombing.

Then, one day, his superior handed him an envelope containing a single photo, surveillance, of an FSB spy holding a beautiful young blond woman in an embrace.

"You recognize her, don't you?" Rivka had asked.

"Of course. It's Annie Walker. CIA. We've worked together." In a burst the memories of that night in the hotel room came back to him - from the taste of her lips to the flutter of her fingers exploring. He swallowed, forcing the memory away. From that moment she had stirred something in him that he'd worked very hard to suppress.

"Tell me everything you can about her," Rivka demanded. And he did. At least everything that was pertinent to her being a spy. He didn't mention his DC apartment or that he'd been back to the US on a clean passport as many times as he could between missions without raising suspicion in hopes to see her. He had, but only from afar. It was ridiculous, reckless, and he was acting like a fool. He couldn't let his agency know. They would write him off and put him behind a desk. He smiled at the thought - a paper pusher just as he accused Annie of when they first met.

He had actually been in DC when he felt the urge to check in. It was luck, when he called and his friend Saul had answered, covering Rivka's line. "The CIA is sending someone tomorrow," he'd said. "Annie Walker. Isn't she the one that..."

Yes yes. That was the same Annie Walker. He had hoped to keep that whole embarrassing debacle private, but reports had been written and he had been reprimanded for his unsanctioned mission. Something that amusing was bound to get out.

He had gotten on a plane immediately and landed in Israel just in time to treat Saul to a "few" beers that evening. He'd been more than happy to tell Rivka that Saul was ill and he would be willing to take Saul's place on the mission with operative Walker. Rivka merely smiled and informed him he would need to do an assessment on Annie for her agency.

She'd seemed so happy to see him waiting for her at the airport. He hadn't realized how much a toll the recent events had taken on her until dinner and her lack of reaction to his charm. Something had changed in his neshama.

Neshama. Ha. It had been a joke at first. Sarcasm. In fact, at the time he had thought he'd never see her again, which had been okay with him. She had been so irritating with all of her CIA protocol talk. Somehow, along the way he'd become closer to her than he'd been to anyone in a long time... Especially not another spy. She had really become his neshama.

Rivka had let him have the file in Simon Fischer on two conditions. The first was that he could only give Annie an edited version of file. Second, was his cooperation on a highly compartmentalized mission that was in the works using Annie for their own organization's gain. He had argued that they couldn't use her like that. She was an ally. Rivka had accused him of becoming weak and getting too close to a spy from a competing agency. If he wasn't up to the mission, she would choose someone else.

He relented, finally. He agreed to do the mission hoping, in the process, that he could shield Annie from as much of the pain as possible.

She had known that the file had cost him. He told her not to worry about it. And when she walked away, he wanted her to stop, turn around, and come back again... So he called her name. When she turned, it was the look on her face. He wanted to tell her everything. How he cared too much for her. How his superiors wanted him to use her for their plans. Instead, he only told her to be careful.

It was weeks before heard about Simon Fischer's assassination. There were rumors surrounding that death as well - a CIA operative shot in her home alongside Fischer, another operative gone double, and accusations of treachery. He had wanted to reach out to Annie, to make sure she was okay, but his own assignments needed attention.

Weeks went by again before the cryptic message showed up for him and it was like a fist slammed into his gut. Annie had been captured on Russian soil while on an off book revenge mission. She had already been held for over two weeks.

Annie's friend Auggie provided a detailed plan, all that was needed was someone to execute the plan... And that's where he fit in. He was supposed take the plan and run with it, but he'd decided to do some of his own research.

He should have known Rivka would find out. He told her Fischer was dead. There no longer a mission without him and Annie was a friend as well as an ally. Coming to her rescue would solidify the partnership between the CIA and Mossad.

Rivka agreed but the mission was not dead, just evolved. They'd argued but in the end, she had threatened to put someone else on the mission. He relented. At least if he stayed with the mission he could protect Annie in what little way he could.

He went to Russia the next day. He spent the next 24 hours doing recon and communicating with Auggie. The following day he would enter the prison, retrieve Annie, and get her safely on her way home.

All he wanted when he was finally able to take that gas mask off was to see her gorgeous smile light up her face, but when all he could see was fear and shock he couldn't think of anything but giving her some terrible line about dropping in unannounced just to try and break through that shock.

He feared that she had changed too much. That she had been broken beyond repair while in the prison, but he watched her and saw the Annie coming back bit by bit before his eyes. She was still the same incredible woman but she would be... Different, capture did that to a person. It was just too soon to know how different she was going to be.

She was home now, in her own country, but she was feeling vulnerable and alone and angry at her own agency. He had saved her life and now she finally trusted him. But he was stuck in a mission that could end up breaking her completely.

Why did he care so much for this woman?

He stood in the shadows on the sidewalk across the street from his own DC apartment watching her move about in the dim light. She believed he was on a plane right now back to Israel.

He'd lied to his superior and it was only a matter of time before they found out.

He hated this mission and its inevitable outcome.

He hated what he needed to do next.

He hated that he let himself fall for her.

But most of all he just hated himself.


End file.
